I am so sorry I was not able to be there for you while you were growing up. I was overwhelmed with joy at your births and so fiercely proud to be your father. Some of my happiest memories are of raising you.  I have saved some of your belongings and all of your photos, they are in safe keeping for you.

I want you to know that leaving was not a matter of choice, and it broke my heart. Though your mother and I agreed in the Judgment of Divorce that we would split our parenting time near fifty/fifty and I would provide direct parental support, Judge McDonald, without authority, knowingly violated our Judgment of Divorce and ordered child support so high that I could not pay it. And if I did pay it I would have been left without sufficient funds to provide a home for us. Judge McDonald at the behest of the Friend of the Court – certainly not friend of the family – began a series of show cause hearings demanding to know why I shouldn’t be thrown in jail for failing to pay on his lawless order. They then began what was to be a series of incarcerations for my refusal to pay – in spite of their knowledge I had no legal obligation. I was caring for the both of you in my own home in Rochester and then Gross Point Park nearly half the time, and loved the time we had together. As a result of all the unlawful actions of the judge, the repeated show cause hearings, the evolving series of jailings, I could not maintain a job, my schooling, or even a home to live where I could raise you as my own. In my effort to protect my rights to watch over you as your father and fight the injustice, I spent my entire savings and every line of credit I had. Finely bankrupt, and all but penniless, I left for Louisiana where there was work for me. Saying goodbye to you was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. I can still see it as though it were yesterday, the sorrow that overwhelmed you both, and the tears welling up in your eyes as you stepped out of my pickup truck for the last time. I also wept.

Your Aunt Mary informed me that you called her trying to reach me about a year after I left, and that you were in tears wanting to hear from your father. Regrettably, by the time Mary informed me, your home phone number was disconnected with no further listing available. I tried to stay in touch, but my cards, letters, and gifts came back rejected. I even called at your school in troy, but I was not allowed to speak to you there.

I obtained your high school academic records and you have done very well. I understand from that you were involved in the One Act Play in high school and that you were well thought of and respected. I hope you were happy there – I liked the little community where you moved and might have moved there myself had circumstances been different. 

You have gone on to college and I am happy with your choice to do so. In today’s world there isn’t much hope of building a career without it. I also completed a Bachelors degree, a post grad professional degree in legal procedure, and I am now finishing a master’s degree in psychology. My eldest, it is my understanding that you attended a private religious College, you have participated in writing for the church, and have coauthored a film. Hopefully we will not all be robots in ten years! My second child, from your picture you have grown to a beautiful woman, and have finished your advanced education as well. I would very much like to learn more about you, your interests, and degree choice. One thing for certain, we are a family with firm convictions about education.

With all this said, this letter is not really about the past, though you deserve an explanation. We cannot undo the past, it is something we have to live with, accept, and cope with no matter how bitter. But we can make a future.  I am still very proud to be your father and hope we can reunite and make something together of what lies ahead. The landscape of the undiscovered country, the future, is something we can paint, and the themes, texture, and content are only restricted by our own self imposed limitations.

With all my love,